Why you're not achieving your goals

January 1st is around the corner.

I know you're probably not thinking about it yet, but it's coming faster than we expect.

It's going to happen again, isn't it?

You're going to set your New Year's Resolutions, forget about it, and then get frustrated at the end of the year when you feel stuck in the same place you were when you started. It happens over and over again.

Unless next time, you choose to do something differently.

Today, I'll explain to you two ways of thinking about goals that will ensure this doesn't happen to you in 2023.

A note on writing things down

Before we start, there's something that needs to be said. You've probably read that writing your goals down on paper increases their chances of happening.

This is true. And it's a step that shouldn't be skipped. I'm the #1 fan of writing things down. But it's not enough.

Writing isn't doing.

If you write things down on January 1st and don't do anything about them on January 2nd, there's no magic trick that will make them happen.

There are two parts to making what you wrote down happen: making goals manageable and keeping them fresh in your mind. That's what we'll talk about today.

For the rest of this email, I recommend you take a notebook and do the exercises alongside me so you can get the best possible results.

1. Make goals bite-sized

Big goals are daunting. Especially if you're setting goals about things that are important to you.

There's that phrase that says "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time."

So here's the system I use to turn an elephant-sized goal into bite-sized pieces.

1. Set your elephant-size goal: for today, let's use an example I'm very familiar with: Writing a book.

2. Find out why it matters: this step is crucial. If you don't have a compelling enough reason, then you're going to forget about doing it. It's not enough to want to achieve something. You need to find the deep reason why behind it. For writing a book, my most compelling reason was that this is something I wanted to do since I was a child. And I want to make my inner child proud.

3. Break the goal down into four parts: These four parts represent the four quarters, or three-month blocks, in a year. These are still pretty big goals, but the goal is starting to break down into more manageable parts. With the book example, it would look something like this:

   1. Q1: Outlining, world-building, creating characters

   2. Q2: Writing the first draft

   3. Q3: Editing and most likely rewriting the first draft

   4. Q4: Editing the second draft, and reaching out to agents and publishers

4. Break down each quarter into three parts: Each of these three parts is one month. This goals are not that small either. But more manageable than the last ones. A quick note about this part: you'll probably not be able to see that far ahead right now. Plan just the first three months. And then during that third month, see what needs to happen in the next quarter, and so on. This will help you avoid overwhelm and stay flexible to the changes that life throws at you. This is what Q1 of our example would look like:

   1. January: Creating the first outline, creating main characters

   2. February: Creating secondary characters, world-building

   3. March: Creating a more solid outline, adjusting the characters and world-building accordingly

5. Break down each month into 4: these are your weeks. I do recommend creating a 12-week plan, even if it feels a little overwhelming to break it down into so many pieces. As always, use the previous step as guidance. Here's an example:

   1. Week 1: Create a first outline and general idea of the story

   2. Week 2: Create the main character

   3. Week 3: Create 2 other main characters

   4. Week 4: Create 2 other main characters

   5. Week 5: Design a world map, and a general description of the setting

   6. Week 6: Design 3 secondary characters, design the main setting of the story

   7. Week 7: Design 3 secondary characters, and the world's culture

   8. Week 8: Design 3 secondary characters, and the world's laws/rules

   9. Week 9: Create a more solid outline, break the story into chapters

   10. Week 10: Edit characters accordingly

   11. Week 11: Edit world accordingly

   12. Week 12: Review that everything fits together properly so you can start writing

6. Arrive at your bite-sized pieces: The last section leaves us with everything ready to go through Q1 and plan Q2, where we'll create the first draft. That is if we follow the plan. But what does it take to follow the plan? Small, consistent, and daily activities. There are many ways in which you can do this, and it may change with time. But the main tool to create a habit is to create rules for yourself: non-negotiables. Things you'll do no matter what happens. This needs to be a committed promise you make to yourself for your project or goal to come into existence as you envisioned. I also recommend making this part quantifiable in some way. For example:

   1. Writing at 8 a.m. every day (same hour)

   2. Writing 500 words every day (same amount of work)

   3. Writing for 20 minutes every day (same amount of time)

7. Follow the plan: Take this as a word of warning. If you sit down and create this whole plan, you'll get excited. You'll se how doable this all is if you break it down into small pieces. But the dopamine rush from planning means nothing if you don't keep your word. If you don't get up and do the work, all the time you spent planning is wasted. But if you do it? The rewards are endless.

We used the example of a book, but this can be applied to anything: to learn to draw, to get fit, to get good at a sport, or to make friends.

Creating this plan takes time. But it's worth it. The clarity you gain is incomparable.

Managing goals this way has taught me everything is learnable if we commit to learning it and spend enough time doing it.

Front-mindedness

This is the second element of goal-setting that most people get wrong.

This is what happens to most people with their new year's resolution. They write it down in a notebook, and they never open it again. No wonder their goals never get done!

Picture every time you re-read your goals, and re-read why it matters to you, it gives you one more chance to accomplish them.

Most people give themselves 1 chance a year of achieving their goals.

Let's say you re-read them once a month. That's already 12 chances more. Better, but not that good.

Let's say you do it once a week. You get 52 chances. Much better odds, right?

What if you read them every day? You'd get 365 chances of achieving it. Almost impossible to fail.

To do this, you can paste them in your bathroom mirror, or somewhere you'll see daily.

You may be thinking "What does reading your goals have to do with achieving them? Weren't you just saying planning doesn't get you your goals?"

Yes. The point of reading them daily isn't to have some magical thing happen. It's to keep it at the front of your mind.

The point of reading them daily is to keep your mind thinking about them all the time.

By doing this, your brain will naturally start finding ways to achieve your goals, no matter what it takes. It will start to seek and find opportunities.

And then, it's going to be easy to take action. You know the what. You know the why. The how will become evident on its own.

Need help?

Now, doing all this is much easier said than done. I know it first hand.

But it's also easier to go through this struggle than to live with the frustration of what your life could've been if you'd just had the strength to fight for what you wanted.

There are two paths you can take: you can do this yourself, and go through the struggle. It's possible, for sure. But it's hard.

Or you can get help from someone who's done it before. Someone familiar with this system, who has studied the science of goal-achieving relentlessly. Someone who can hold you accountable when you need it, and motivate you when you need to remember why you're doing this in the first place.

Now, I don't want to make this salesy or unnecessarily long. I have spent years collecting tools for this, testing them out, and seeing what systems work best for each of the stages I described here.

Mastering this has allowed my to

• graduate college

• write and publish a book

• become a good teacher

• become a good dancer

• make more friends

• make better art

• write better poems

There's one crucial thing missing from every system that suggests doing it on your own: accountability. It's hard to be self-accountable, especially at the beginning. That's why coaches are useful.

Because of this, I want to offer you help. I want to help you find and establish systems that work for you so you can manage your time, energy, and goals in ways that ensure they get done without burnout. I want to help you with constant accountability. I'm not saying this will make it so everything is a breeze. There are always challenges.

But you can choose to navigate those turbulent waters alone, or you can choose to get a map and a partner.

If you think this might be for you, hit reply and we can talk a little more about it. But for today, this is what I have to say.

I hope this helps you!

Art Recs

As usual, we wouldn't leave just like that. Here's my top art picks for this week:

1. Music: King by Florence and the Machine, Live at the Madison Square Garden. This song has been stuck in my head for days, so let me share it with you!

2. Movie: Edward Scissorhands. My kind of spooky season movie: not spooky at all, unexpectedly sweet and funny. Can't believe I never watched it before.

3. Book: Paper Girl and the Knives that Made Her. Ari B. Cofer made a raw, deep, and honest poetry collection that I've obsessed over for months, and I finally finished it this week. Can't recommend it enough.

I hope you found today's edition useful!

Remember that you can set goals and start whenever: you don't need to start for January first, or Monday, or the 1st of the month. You can (and I'd say should) start now.

I hope the rest of your week feels like a soft, warm brownie cooked for you by someone you love. I hope you get some sun and smile at a stranger.

Until next Wednesday!

-Vale, The Friendly Artist.