Three Big Boulders

I’ve been thinking a lot about creativity, art, and project management.

These intertwine consistently, and those of us who are these sorts of people face certain challenges that seem to show up over and over. At least, in all the artists I know (and in my own projects.)

This week, I realized there are three points in the process where artists and creatives tend to get stuck. I’ve chosen to call them boulders, because that’s what they feel like: big rocks in the road to creation.

So let’s break them down together.

I do want to preface that none of this is said from judgement. I would be the most unfit person to judge you for being stuck at any of these, as I myself have been there. In all of them. This is my attempt to make all of us, me included, realize how senseless it is to give up our possibility of creation because of these sorts of fears.

The first boulder: Starting in the first place

Have you heard someone talk about their creative dreams or ideas, just to never do anything about them? Have you been that person? So many creative people are scared to start, and thus never do.

In some cases, you’ll feel comfortable starting certain kinds of projects, and incapable of starting some others. This happens to me.

For some, this is completely paralyzing, and they end up not doing anything at all. Fear of failure is a big part of it. Fear of being imperfect or not up to the task is the other one. Often, we’ll feel not qualified enough to write about something, or create a certain type of big project. Maybe you’ve believed you should never be a painter, because you’ve never thought you’re good at drawing.

My response to that fear is the same one I tell all my new dance students when they say they’re not good dancers: “that’s why you’re here, isn’t it? If you were a perfect dancer already, you wouldn’t need to come to class, or train.”

We don’t start to make stuff because we’re good. We start to make stuff to get good, over time. And getting good over time requires sucking when you start. So go ahead, and face sucking. Dive headfirst into failure. And you’ll start getting better.

Just this morning, I read this tweet by Richard Siken, one of my favorite poets:

It fits perfectly with the spirit of what I’m trying to say: the only way to get over the boulder of starting, is to start, and embrace the inevitable failure and bad work that comes with it.

The second boulder: Drowning Underwater

This is when you’ve decided to dive in, you’re trying to build something, but then you feel like you’re starting to run out of air.

It’s when you’re in too deep. You’ve made some progress, but you’re still too far from the end. The enormity of everything you still have to face until the project is complete feels endless. It feels like drowning in something that will never end. Many give up at this point. It’s easier to swim back to the shore.

But if you do, you never find what’s on the other side. Giving up at this point is a way of saying you’d rather stand behind the first boulder, where it’s safe. Where your creativity is perfect and sacred, because it is nothing but an illusion.

Or you say you’ll get back to it, and never do. This is how you end up with tens of unfinished projects lying around your room, and a feeling you’re almost an artist, but not really.

I find this boulder shows up for me when I’m anywhere between 30-60% done with a project. It’s like a Tuesday, energy wise. (I hope that makes sense to someone other than me lol)

There are two options to overcome this boulder. One is to use sheer force of will to get to the other side of it. Push through the fear and discomfort until it feels slightly easier.

The other alternative, which helps me more, is to look at what the single next step forward is. I try to stop thinking in terms of a completed project, and consider what single task I can do so the project keeps moving. I try to keep moving one foot in front of the other, day by day. I do this by always focusing only on one single step I can take to move forward.

Not all steps are created equal: let’s use writing as an example. Sometimes, the single step is writing one line. Sometimes, it’s writing a full page. And on different days, those may take the same amount of effort and energy from me.

Slowly but surely, you get to the other side of it.

The Third Boulder: The finish line is in sight and that’s almost worse.

You’re almost done, but not really, and what you’re missing is the hardest part.

At this point, you may have grown resentful. You hate the project for not looking like it did in your head. You may be scared that once it’s finally done, you won’t be able to keep altering and modifying it. Or maybe scared that you’re getting to the point where you need to share it with others.

The list of fears that feeds this boulder goes on.

And it’s very easy to hide behind them. So you never finish. You hide your projects and dreams under a rock, bury them underground. Again, you may as well have walked back behind the first boulder.

Or maybe, you keep telling people it’s almost done. It’s almost ready. Some people spend years in this stage.

I can tell you I spent close to 8 months facing this boulder with my book. And every time someone asked about it, the unknowingly chipped a dent into the boulder. The pressure built up. With help from others and myself, I broke it down and decided to take those last few steps.

I am still taking those last few steps. To me, this has been the most terrifying of the three. The most frustrating, too. The solution is similar to that of the second boulder.

And every step feels titanic, even now.

This also makes me think of a page in one of my favorite books, Steal Like An Artist, which I posted on my college instagram almost three years ago:

Getting past these boulders is no easy task.

It takes bravery, and tenacity, and a certain defiance in the face of your own fears and your inner critic.

But the payoff is endless.

Not because of the projects you finish, but because you learn that these challenges are overcomeable. (that’s not a word, but now it is.) And more importantly, that you have the capacity to overcome them.

Some artists say it never gets easier to face this.

I think it does, I think we’re just terrible at recognizing when we’re getting better.

We don’t realize that although the feelings may continue being the same, the size of the projects that scare us changes.

Maybe before you were scared to start writing a single song, and now you’re scared because you’re putting an album together.

Maybe you were scared to take classes, and now you’re scared to teach them.

The feelings of fear and resistance may feel like they’re the same. But the size of the boulders you’re breaking down and walking past is bigger each time.

And that’s how you get better. The feeling that the fear remains the same just means you’re facing bigger and bigger things. It’s a reminder that you’re daring yourself to go higher and further.

That deserves recognition, and it deserves celebration. So please, celebrate yourself.

You’re getting better even when it seems there’s no progress happening.

Boooook updateeee

Friends, I feel like big updates keep on coming. My third boulder is being broken down and it’s exhilarating and terrifying.

These are the ones I have right now:

• I officially have a time and place for the release event. It’s going to be CRAZY. There’ll be paintings, dance, prints, books (signed ofc), cool people, food, and wine. It’s happening September 23 in Guatemala City. The venue is called Lark, and it’s in Z10.
  
  Since I wanted to make this really cool event and I’m not someone huge who has sponsors, I’m going to charge for tickets. They’re going to cost Q.60 and I promise to make them worth every penny. The link to purchase tickets will be available next week, but I wanted to tell you guys first so you can mark your calendars.

• I’m sending the book to print next week, so I should also have 150 physical copies by next weekend (I hope.) I can’t wait to hold it in my hands, but I also anticipate it’s going to be terrifying. I’ll let you know. I would like to give those who pre-ordered their copy in the event, but for my friends who I know need them fast because they’re leaving the country and similar reasons, please let me know.

• Quick reminder that you can pre-order my book, Right Love, Wrong Time, by clicking here.

I hope you enjoyed this edition! It all came out of me in one sitting, which is rare. I think I’m not going to edit it, just to keep the raw inspiration present and not overthink this. Definitely let me know what you think, which of these resonated most and what helps you with each.

I hope your week is filled with inspiring conversations, big revelations, and music that makes you want to dance.

See you next Wednesday!

-Vale, The Friendly Artist.