DON'T set New Year's resolutions before reading this!

New Year's is here, and we all know what this means: setting goals for 2023.

Now, I'm a big believer in the power of goal setting. But there are so many people doing it wrong, that the statistics are terrifying.

About 80% of New Year's Resolutions are abandoned by the third week of January.

Only 9% of resolutions result in the desired outcome. That's one in ten people.

So how do you become part of that 9%? It doesn't start with the goals themselves.

Start here:

The first important step is to know where you're currently standing. Before setting goals for the future, evaluate the past. Since we're talking New Year's here, evaluate the last year. Audit your successes, failures, and lessons. Here are some questions that are part of my 2022 audit:

• What did I like most about my year?

• What held me back the most?

• What did I accomplish, that I can celebrate?

• What do I wish I'd done differently?

• What did my failures teach me?

• What were my biggest lessons this year?

• What energized me this year?

• What drained me next year?

• Who was I? Did I like that person?

• What was important to me?

• What habits ruled my life? (in learning, health, art, business, family, etcetera)

• Where will I be in 10 years if I continue those habits? Do I like how that future looks?

Understanding what happened this past year, and seeing it in a "big picture" way, is key to giving you direction. It outlines the map of what and who you've been and helps you determine if you want to keep on the path you've been on.

Draw the map of the ground you're already standing on, of the path you've already walked.

Let me be honest with you...

Now, I need to confess something... I failed at my two main New Year's Resolutions for 2022. These were to publish my book and to write 365 poems (one every day.)

However, I learned various important lessons from it:

First, it's better to aim very high and fall short, than it is to aim too low. These goals were very ambitious, that is something I knew from the start. And I failed when you see it simply, but I gained more from trying than I lost by not reaching the end goal.

I didn't publish a book, but it's very close to being ready to publish. I wouldn't have worked on it as much if I didn't have that goal, to begin with.

I didn't write 365 poems, but I wrote 222, which is almost double my previous maximum of 121 in 2020.

Second, even if everyone praises consistency, short intense sprints are also positive forward motion. And often, those initial sprints are what sets you up for success.

Out of those 222 poems, I wrote 51 in January, which is about 20%. Sure, it was partly New Year's Motivation, but it set me ahead in my goal by a lot. It was also related to a lot of intense emotional experiences happening at this time. And the way my writing improved in that first month set a precedent for the next 11 months.

Third, the deeper purpose will guide you better than any arbitrary goal. The purpose behind writing 365 poems was to become a better writer. 365 poems was an arbitrary number, which gave me direction. But I ended up getting closer to the real goal: writing better, by adding more mediums to write in.

Aside from the 222 poems, I wrote a 61-page manual for my coaching program, 17 newsletters, and started working on a novel. If you add those other things up, they add up to almost 50,000 words. 50k words aside from the ones in my poems.

As long as you keep walking towards where you want to be, towards that deep purpose, you'll get closer. Even if you don't reach it. Even if it takes a different route than you expected.

The Mountain

Neil Gaiman has a quote I love, which perfectly matches what we were just talking about:

"Something that worked for me was imagining that where I wanted to be – an author, primarily of fiction, making good books, making good comics, and supporting myself through my words – was a mountain. A distant mountain. My goal.

And I knew that as long as I kept walking towards the mountain I would be all right. And when I truly was not sure what to do, I could stop, and think about whether it was taking me towards or away from the mountain."

This, I find, is a great way to find direction. This also takes pressure away from the output (publishing a book) and gives more importance to the input (working towards publishing a book).

Don't set goals, decide who you'll be.

"The strongest force in the human personality is the need to stay consistent with how we define ourselves." -Tony Robbins

You see, effective goal-setting is never about the outcome. It's about becoming the person who can achieve that outcome. It's about the identity you create.

This is also the hardest part because we humans cling to our identity with whatever we can to stay in a familiar place. Before we attempt to start changing our behavior, we need to change our identity.

Think for a moment, of gym rats. Going to the gym is a huge part of their identity. The same goes for academics. Or extroverts. We, as a society, have all these names we have created for different identities. And once a person subscribes to an identity, all their actions fall in alignment with the person they say they are. You can do exactly the same thing.

Decide you're the kind of person who loves to eat healthily.

Decide you're the kind of person who talks to strangers without fear.

Decide you're a person who paints, dances, or writes.

Our identity is tied to a story: the story we tell ourselves about our lives.

The stories we tell about our challenges, accomplishments, fears, talents, and possibilities. So to change our identity, the first thing we need to change is our story.

Write out the old story of your life: What story have you told yourself so far about this? Who have you been? What has happened to you? What has shaped you? Feel free to write the excuses you've made, every way you've victimized yourself to your detriment, etcetera.

Write out the new story of your life: What story will you start telling now? Who will you be? How can you turn around the bad things that have happened to you? What has turned you into who you are? What are you capable of? This time, write yourself as the hero of your own story. Give yourself a hero name if you want.

Then, start acting like the main character of the second story. If you build an identity, the habits will come on their own.

This may sound like a corny thing to do. However, it's how you start rewiring your mind to become who you want to be. In all honesty, who you deserve to be.

Stay tuned for part two...

If you've:

• reflected on the past year's successes and failures

• learned from my mistakes (save yourself the trouble)

• redefined your identity to fit your goals

You're more than ready to start setting your New Year's Resolutions.

I'll be back next week with a breakdown of the 3 most crucial parts of my goal-setting process:

• Vision creation

• Category design

• Quarter planning

Until then, here's a...

Non-Art Rec

Exactly two years ago, I was at what I consider to have been the rock bottom of my life. I was depressed, and suicidal, and could not afford therapy.

Around this time, my mom joined a free 5-day life design challenge by Tony Robbins. I'd heard of the guy and thought he was probably full of BS. I thought he was just some motivational speaker. I joined her, without much faith that it'd do anything for me.

And I was proven infinitely wrong. I can't even put into words what those 5 days did for me. Armed with the tools I learned in the first two days, I dug my way out of rock bottom and into one of the best years of my life.

Whether you are in a dark place, or in a place where you just want to get more out of life, I can't recommend this challenge enough.

It's free, and it's only 2-3 hours a day for five days. Worst case scenario, nothing happens. Best case scenario, you find ways to transform your life.

The challenge goes from the 24th to the 28th of January.

If you want to join, here's the link: BecomeUnshakeable.com

And if you do join, please do reply to this email and tell me! I'd love to hear about it and join you on the journey.

I hope your week feels like a fresh start, I hope that it feels like watching a sunrise, like waking up without an alarm, like jumping into the unknown and trusting you'll fall somewhere great.

Until next Wednesday!

-Vale, The Friendly Artist