How To Kill Your Comfort Zone

Dan Koe, one of my favorite creators, says "Comfort is found in the known. Discomfort is found in the unknown. Fulfillment is found at the edge."

We all have a comfort zone. What I noticed in the last year is, the size of each of our comfort zones is different. And the size of our comfort zones is flexible if we are willing to do the work to expand it.

Today, we'll talk about growing our comfort zone.

We'll consider the following:

• if leaving is the right move for you

• the benefits of leaving it more often

• an actionable plan on how to do this

I have a friend who has a really big comfort zone. I didn't realize this until last year. When she was doing something uncomfortable for her, she told us "people think I get out of my comfort zone a lot. But honestly, I just have a big comfort zone."

And indeed, I perceived this person as someone who got out of their comfort zone often. It's someone who has done pretty unique and challenging things.

So it got me thinking... how did her comfort zone get so big?

I found something interesting: A person's comfort zone expands the more often they leave it, and see nothing fatal happens. This makes the unknown known, and the things we were scared of become part of our comfort zone.

Our brains are wired for survival, that's why we experience fear. Fear warns us of potential danger. It was extremely useful when we had to run from predators trying to eat us.

However, it's important to distinguish which of our fears translate to true danger, and which are only perceived dangers. In our modern world, what we experience most often is the latter. It's not warning us of threatening risk, but of momentary discomfort.

To begin considering if and how to leave it, we must first recognize the purpose of our comfort zone: to keep us safe from danger.

Before we go on, take a moment to thank your comfort zone for fulfilling its purpose.

Should you leave your comfort zone?

As we just established, the things our brain perceives as dangerous now, don't put us in any fatal danger (for the most part).

We went from being scared of getting eaten by a lion to being scared of getting on a stage, posting a video online, or talking to a cute person at a bar. This seems silly, but we need to remember that our brains are wired the same as they were hundreds of thousands of years ago.

Every fear we experience comes from our brain's intention to keep us out of danger. And it does a great job of it!

But is it keeping us out of danger, or hindering our growth?

When what feels dangerous is jumping into the career you always wanted, starting a business that could change the world, or talking to someone you find cute, is fear really keeping you safe? Or do you feel trapped by it?

If you feel peacefully safe, like you have everything you wish, then you might prefer to stay there. And that's fair.

However... If you feel it pressing down on the person you truly want to be, the person you already are at your core, then something needs to change.

When you think about it, you may realize that your comfort zone isn't serving any real purpose. It doesn't make you better or happier. It keeps you safe, sure, but safety means nothing except limiting your mere existence.

If you feel a desire for expansion and growth, a call to be more, you should consider killing your comfort zone.

What will happen if you do?

I've been experimenting with leaving my comfort zone more throughout this year. The fact that you're reading this article is an instance of it. I've noticed many benefits in it, and some challenges too.

I don't want to sugarcoat anything, so I'll break down both sides of the coin for you.

THE BENEFITS:

• meeting cool people

• making more money

• increasing confidence

• proving your self-doubt wrong

• feeling yourself change for the better

• a ridiculous amount of new opportunities

• breaking your limiting beliefs about yourself and your abilities

• feeling comfortable more often, since fewer things have the power to make you uncomfortable.

THE CHALLENGES:

• losing old friends

• being uncomfortable

• constantly fighting resistance

• feeling lost in the in-betweens

• old beliefs coming up to try to stop you

• facing challenges that didn't even exist in your comfort zone

• constantly grieving the past versions of you you're leaving behind

Overall, this is not a walk in the park. Leaving your comfort zone is, well... uncomfortable. However, I can tell you from experience that the rewards are worth much more than the momentary discomfort.

It's hard, and in the in-betweens you may be thinking "what the hell did I get myself into?"

But when you get to the other side of that discomfort, you'll never regret doing it.

What does leaving it actually look like?

This is different for each individual, for each comfort zone's size, and each person's level of risk tolerance.

If you have a low risk tolerance and a small comfort zone, maybe quitting your job and dropping everything to move across the globe next week may not be the right move.

The steps you take to get outside your comfort zone may need to be different according to where you currently are. Try to make them proportional, and slowly, you'll be able to take bigger and bigger steps every day.

Here's where the quote at the top of this email is important: get to the edge of your comfort zone. Take a small step out of it. But don't jump out so far that you won't want to leave it again, or so far that you'll rush back in fear. Make it as easy as possible for your brain to adjust.

For example, today, your action to get out of your comfort zone may be to give a compliment to a stranger. If you keep increasing the frequency and size of those actions, I assure you one year from now your life will be completely different from what it is now.

I know, because I've done it.

In my last year of killing my comfort zone, I:

• got a cool job

• started a business

• started writing online

• started a YouTube channel

• got into a wonderful relationship

• made life-changing friendships

• started learning how to draw, act, and sing

• started the publication process for my book

• got help and advice from people I look up to a lot

None of these was a one-time thing or decision. And it didn't all happen at the same time. It was the compounding effect of a million small steps, a million moments of choosing the discomfort of growth over the comfort of safety.

My comfort zone has grown to be quite big. But I know there are still things that I fear, and ways in which I limit myself. Now, the difference is it doesn't eat me alive, because I know every day I take a small step to break those limits.

Step by step, I feel myself become braver to leave it. More comfortable with discomfort.

And as a result, I'm becoming the truest version of myself. Of who I am at my core.

30 Days No Comfort Zone Challenge

Above, I mentioned if you take small consistent steps outside of your comfort zone for a year, your life will be entirely different.

And that's true. But it can take much, much less.

In the past, I've found just 30 days of getting out of my comfort zone have consequences that go way beyond that timeframe. It's a butterfly effect situation: complimenting a stranger today might turn into a friendship tomorrow. 3 months from now this person may end up introducing you to the love of your life, or to the person who can hire you for your dream job.

I've done these 30-day sprints various times in the last year with excellent results. This time, I want to invite you along for the ride.

The idea is to take one step outside your comfort zone every day. At that moment in which you're a little scared to do something, do it anyway. If you have any bucket list items you've wanted to do but haven't, you do them as part of the 30 days.

Examples of this may be:

• texting someone to ask them on a date

• signing up for a class or course

• talking to a stranger

• pushing yourself to get a PR in the gym

• bungee jumping (go wild, really)

After the challenge ends, you get to enjoy an expanded comfort zone, as well as any added benefits you got from choosing this change. You get all the pros I described above, and more.

The challenge is here to serve as two things: first, as accountability. It's easier to stick to it if everyone else is also sharing what they're doing. You have the motivation to keep up with the group.

Second, it helps you remember to do it. Let me be honest with you: when I do these 30-day sprints by myself, I miss days simply because I forget to do them. But if you have the constant reminder from others sharing what they do, it'll stay fresh in your mind.

This challenge is entirely free, and you can join the chat here:

After you click on the link, you'll receive instructions on the first steps to follow. The challenge starts November 1st and goes all the way to November 30th.

See you on the other side!

Art Recs

This week, this is the art you should check out:

1. Music: "Midnights (3 am Edition)" by Taylor Swift. This was a given, sorry not sorry. My favorite songs so far are Mastermind and You're On Your Own, Kid.

2. Book: "Crush" by Richard Siken. One of my favorite poetry books. My favorite poem in it is called Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out, in case you want to check that one out.

3. TV Show: "Blown Away." I'm not a big fan of watching TV shows, much less reality shows. But this one caught my attention like no other has. It's a glass-blowing competition. Seeing the artists' creative process, and seeing people create with such a challenging craft, was simply hypnotizing.

As always, I hope the rest of your week is great. I hope this week feels like satisfying a craving you've had for weeks, or like finally knowing what you'll dress as for halloween.

Don't forget to get some sun!

Talk to you next Wednesday!

-Vale, The Friendly Artist