Learn Friendship from a Greek Genius

Most of life's big questions have been answered for many years. What if the answer to the great questions you've been attempting to answer for is in the past? This happened to me with the topic of friendship, when I read Aristotle's Nicomachean Ethics. His answers from over 2400 years ago gave me answers I'd been searching for a long time.

When Aristotle writes about friendship, he divides friends into three categories. He says all three are necessary for a balanced and fulfilled life. I believe many answers to our questions about friendship are answered by understanding this. So let's dive in!

Friends for Utility

The first type of friendship he describes is "friends for utility". This friendship exists because both people have something the other wants. And the friendship will last as long as both are useful to the other. Here we may mention, for example, someone who you like doing team projects with, because you know their work ethic.

The friendship will end when one of the two is no longer useful to the other. We may consider this the most superficial type of friendship. However, Aristotle never says having these types of friendships is bad. On the contrary, he encourages it as much as he encourages the other, deeper types.

Friends for Pleasure

The second type of friendship is "friends for pleasure". This friendship exists when both people can have a good time together, their company is mutually pleasant. Here, we may have friends who you can see every so often and have a nice time with, and that's enough. The friends you see once a year for Christmas parties, and you're always happy to see them, but they're not necessarily a part of your daily life. Or the ones that are part of your daily life incidentally, like classmates or work colleagues, but who you probably won't seek out if you stop seeing them daily.

This type of friendship ends when one person's company stops being pleasant to the other. Most likely, most of your friendships fall into this category.

Friends for Virtue

The last type of friendship is "friends for virtue". This is the superior type of friendship according to Aristotle. It happens when two people, who are by necessity good, recognize everything that is good in another person and love them for it. They share virtues and values at the deepest level. They love everything that is good in the other person, and they are loved because they themselves are good. These are very constant friendships, people who you miss if you stop seeing them even for a short time. This type of friendship requires you to be very present in the other's life.

Another important characteristic of this type of friendship is they always wish for the other person to receive good things. In some cases, this may mean no longer being friends with them if it doesn't serve their highest good.

This type of friendship is extremely rare, and Aristotle says we only find a few of them in our lives.

An important distinction

Please, notice how Aristotle never says that having friends for virtue is the only worthwhile style of friendship. Even though he says it is the superior type, he never shames the other two. Not everyone you meet can be a friend for virtue. It is through building all three types, that we become fulfilled.

As long as you can add something to someone's life, and they can add something to yourself, you have a friend for utility.

As long as you can have a good time with someone, you have a friend for pleasure

And as long as you are good and find another good person, you may have a friend for virtue.

All three are necessary, and all three are worthwhile.

There is a quote Aristotle says in this same book: "a wish for friendship may arise quickly, but friendship does not."

I believe this is important to remember: friendship, especially virtuous friendship, takes time to build and grow. And it's never a bad moment to start developing them.

Art Recs

1. Song: Loud by Eva Westphal. Made me cry when I first heard it. I felt very lucky to relate to it, as a queer person in a rather supportive environment.

2. Book: Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman. Neil has been my biggest artistic obsession for the past month or so. I have found Neverwhere to be a captivating fantasy world, even as an adult. The world-building is genius, and the characters are all extremely interesting.

3. YouTuber: Austin Schrock. If you enjoy my content, I believe you will enjoy his. I've learned a lot from him, and I think you might too.

I hope the rest of your week feels like getting gifted a friendship bracelet, like finally getting something you're learning right, like a child telling you they admire you.

See you next Wednesday!

-Vale, The Friendly Artist